REFERENCES!

I love how this posting just screams "professional"- wanna be a reference for a nutcase?
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/stp/137751176.html

Hire me

You know someone is a true gem when they write all in CAPS, have experience as a secretary and in the "medical field"(black market organs anyone?) and don't think resumes are necessary.
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/wan/137710006.html

:Laugh till you pee:

I'm confused how someone who wants $3,000 claims to have money to pay you back- over time- maybe-
-Yea right.
http://newyork.craigslist.org/stn/wan/137722442.html

And it's not even noon

I have serious issues about not making this my #1 cl posting today- but technically it was posted yesterday so alas it can't be a contender! However you would be sadly amiss not to read this! Liposuction for whores and rolexes- no lie!
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/bar/137646397.html

TRUE LOVE

Slim pickens today- but then again it's only 2:30- here's a guy who wants to buy your soul, if not your love, for 2/27/6
-20k a year for a green card http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/stp/137422588.html

OLD MAID

This woman is destined to die in a run down shack surrounded by cats.
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/stp/137455475.html

Red Flags everywhere

At least it's past noon- our #1 worst CL posting today. Only married three years and this guy claims his wife gave him permission to get a lover. Better yet he posted it in the strictly platonic! Will the hilarity never cease?
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/stp/137470896.html

It's so lucky he's getting rid of it

You just know some how this leads to a pyramid scheme.
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/zip/137469188.html

Whores in pairs

I'm not sure how this qualifies as a "barter"- you get to take two redhead women out, cover all costs, and then no sex- click here if you want to get "screwed"!
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/bar/137464407.html

TRUE LOVE

Because "normal girls" do this kinda thing all the time.
-For a green card, he's yours http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/stp/137329452.html

Sounds like this woman need s gift card to TARGET

Young attractive woman wants to live free of charge in exchange for her charming banter. Unless you're a Republican- apprently "Republicans can go over there -------->"
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/stp/137360387.html

Let's defraud the gov't together!

Is it smart to use a public forum to announce you want to do something illegal? It's kind of like going into a packed bank and screaming out- "Who wants to help me rob this mother fucker?"
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/wch/stp/137371401.html

It's called a tickle FETISH because it's NOT platonic

This is clearly the guy friend who never gets the girl- then goes insane.
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/que/stp/137340255.html

Sweet!

Honey also wants a free car
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/wan/137331045.html

Vroom

Forgive me for not trusting a guy on social security who wants a free car.
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/wan/137352275.html

Why are my links not working?

I'm not sure why blogger.com a has suddenly down graded. My links aren't clickable- my fonts are nonusable- please be patient while "the man" gets a grip.

Oh please

Aparently a gift certificate to Target cures the bi-polar!
- http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/wan/137385328.html

Does it come with a bucket of pigs blood?

Who would think giving away a prom dress would cause this much crap?
- The dress in question http://newyork.craigslist.org/lgi/zip/137122925.html
-The backlash! http://newyork.craigslist.org/lgi/zip/137149841.html

Do my bidding!

Feel like being someone's slave in exchange for bupkiss?
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/bar/137383867.html

It's called starving artist

Feel like throwing away $5,000 on someone with no proof of talent or references?
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/com/136663409.html

I don't

Nothing says respect for ancient tradtion and the beautiful sacred bond of marriage like dragging an ignorant outsider along to the ceremony. This psycho's first choice is for you to fly her to India with you. But if that's not possible she'd do something local so she can grab her camera and snap away in the faces of the bride and groom who no doubt will be psyched to have her there!
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/que/stp/136630489.html

Oh....K....

The most fucked up "installation" project ever. All this guy needs is a rubber glove and it'd turn into a porno.
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/wan/136603445.html

Rats!

Finally a vehicle for all those hours of rat footage you filmed!
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/wan/136637803.html

Garden of Eden

This woman's crazy rant about hating Long Island (don't we all) garners her a second place nod and questions as to why she stopped taking her medication.
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/lgi/stp/136245056.html

TRUE LOVE

Here are the people who want you to be gay or a US citizen for 2/24/6.
-Wants a homosexual who likes cash http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/stp/136609233.html
-Wants a lesbian with cash http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/stp/136565039.html

Pyscho Bitch

This woman's posting totally answers her own question. Ladies and gentlemen- the number one CL posting for today!
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/brx/stp/136608797.html

Me-OUCH

A cat lover rips a new one in some serious CL backlash!
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/zip/136618659.html

Get your porno here!

I don't know what is worse- that fact that he think he's gonna get a phone or DVD burner or Xbox in exchange for his old scratched up porno- or the fact that he lists his movie titles. Interested in "Latina Gone Wild 5 hours", "Afro Erotica 100% all Blacks 5 hours" or "Private Cumshot de luxe"?
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/bar/136527014.html

You sold the cow for WHAT?

Written by someone who is positive no one on CL has ever read Jack and the Beanstalk.
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/que/bar/136611536.html

Sure I'll hire you

Quite frankly these people always creep me out- they strike me as lazy and selfish. Considering how hard it is to get a job assuming someone is gonna offer it just because is infuriating.
-Now I'm done ranting http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/stp/136315046.html

Invest in my crappy life!

A stranger with bad credit and a torrid life- sounds like a safe investment to me!
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/wan/136306797.html

30lbs of candy!

I don't know who would want to eat 30lbs of candy let alone this weird bananna shit- but hey- he's taking all offers.
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/bar/136311553.html

True Love

Here are the people who want to marry you solely because you're an American citizen for 2/22/06

• NYU chick seeks hubbyhttp://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/stp/136066478.html
• Wants wife http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/stp/135968434.html
• Gay guy wants beard http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/stp/136062882.html
  

Coffee Break

Always wanted a lackey but not sure where to rent one? Here he is!
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/stp/136066761.html

No nicks please

Because the idea of a random many coming at your vagina with a razor isn't the slightest bit scary.

• http://newyork.craigslist.org/lgi/stp/136063518.html

PETA's gonna have a field day

For those of you with dead elk or moose just lying around

• http://newyork.craigslist.org/jsy/wan/135445220.html

True Love

Because you've always wanted a 25 year old latin sex slave
-naive http://newyork.craigslist.org/que/com/135993417.html

Organization

Here at Craigslist Losers we pride ourselves on bad spelling and snappy titles for our links. But it's occured to me that not all our postings are unique and wacky- many are fucked up but still stay in a previously used categories. So from here on we're pulling a gawker.com and giving certain categories permanent names.

• Feng Shui- Feng Shit
• Marriage of Convenience (gay, need green card, etc)- True Love
• Artists who think they deserve a free place to live/ bastards who think they can take advantage of artists- It's called Starving Artist
• Tattoo in exchange for: sex, drugs, chotchkies- May the Hepatitis B with you

If you can think of any other permenent names to designate to certain categories- let me know and I'll use them!

May the hepatitis B with you!

Have some Rocky horror picture crap just sitting around? Don't know what to do with you Chain Saw Massacre t-shirt collection? Well if you're not freaked out by the fact that some horror-movie-loving "supposed tattoo" artist will tattoo you in echange for your memorabilia (you must come to him- easier to hide the body that way) then this is the deal for you!
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/que/bar/135946112.html

Will babysit old dude for free digs

Know an old coot who likes jazz and free haircuts in exchange for letting some young blood sucker live with him?
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/bar/135963525.html

Swiss Miss-tic

It doesn't get much better then this. I always wondered how the cops get psychics! For a cool grand you too can enjoy the services of a Swiss psychic- do you think "corporations, law enforcement agencies throughout the world, governments, politicians, [and] individuals" are lining up right now?
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/bar/135618022.html

Think you're struggling?

Well once you read this posting your cramped over priced Williamsburg apartment is gonna look pretty sweet. Especially when the alternative is cooking, cleaning and changing the diapers of an Alzheimer's riddled old white woman who lives in the flood zone of the Louisiana bayou.
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/wrg/135604628.html

Must be GAY

If you're not a screaming queen this girl doesn't want to be your friend.
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/stp/135787588.html

You just KNOW there's a hole drilled in the bathroom wall

Apartment available for "sexy female"- must send picture and be prepared for hidden cameras in the toilet bowl.
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/bar/135775976.html

Men who love women who love incest

This is really, really gross- that's why I totally had to post it!
-A perve's attempt at short fiction http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/stp/135737236.html

Jew Power!

Don't mess with an angry Mackabee
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/mis/135689809.html

Ladies and Gentleman- from the "Strictly Platonic" Section

I guess she posted in strictly platonic because of her numerous references to her chastity belt.
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/jsy/stp/135571626.html

A good deal for the young, rich, and bored

Here at CL Losers we don't turn our noses up at good bargains. Tired of hanging out in Williamsburg and want to summer in the Hamptons? For the price of a lawnmower this fellow's house is yours!

-http://newyork.craigslist.org/lgi/bar/135710649.html

AM I the only one who thinks this is weird?

Ok- I get the whole "strictly platonic" thing- people need friends after all- but to take it so literally? Why is this the meeting place for gays who want sham marriages? Was there a memo sent out I didn't get?
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/stp/134428383.html

Freaky....

Guy wants you to give him a brazillion and lower back wax. Wonder what sexual orientation he is?
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/lgi/bar/134391021.html

That is so unfair

Looking to hire a convict who lies on his work application and then is shocked when he gets fired? Have I got a guy for you!
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/wan/134311196.html

Clock going off?

And for all those other fat / obese / women & men with issues- people who are desperate to marry anyone. So if you don't mind 'em gay or fighting for a green card get 'em while the going is good!
-will pay http://newyork.craigslist.org/wch/stp/134154309.html
-hot gay http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/stp/134151705.html
-girl want guy http://newyork.craigslist.org/lgi/stp/134148938.html
-lezzy needs hubby http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/stp/134142726.html
-wants a house and a wife http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/stp/134054621.html

Asshole backlash!

The fat/ obese/ women with issues are fighting back!
-Wonderful backlash http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/stp/134168050.html

I can say the "N" word since my friend is black

I just know the bruthas are lining up. Those without sharkskin suits need not apply.
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/stp/134179298.html

Have I got a guy for you!

According to this Einstein all the ladies on CL are:
"1. Obese (can't get men outside of the internet) 2. Extra pounds (fat - low self esteem, confidence) 3. Mental problems 4. Personality disorders 5. Father Issues (never been loved by there dads or never had one to begin with)"
He then goes on to reveal the personal histories of every CL girl he ever dated- beware it gets ugly- tres rubber necking at a car crash!

• http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/stp/134158709.html

Self hating Jew

Wow, what gives, traumatic memories of your torah portion?
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/laf/134072599.html

Feng-Shit

If you believe this I've got a bridge to sell you.

Want someone to rearrange your furniture into some ugly random mass that may or may not help you get laid and rich? All it takes is a computer or Ipod, or laser printer, or spa treatments.....

• http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/bar/133948513.html

Bad water stained poems for food stamps and crayons

This actually kinda does sound like a fair trade.
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/lgi/bar/134026253.html

This is why everyone needs affordable health insurance

Clearly this man is still in a good mood- lets make sure he gets some Zoloft before his mood changes and the mass murdering begins

• http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/bar/134042538.html

You just know he has a sheet with a hole in it.

And now for the winner of today's most fucked up posting. Some Goy with a hasidic jewish woman fetish. Swear to god. Are you a hasidic lady " filled with hidden desire and temptation"? Here's the fella for you!
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/stp/133906622.html

This'll last

Gay guy looking to marry a chick? She's willing to pay you and be your friend too!
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/stp/133916549.html

The most bizarre way to get a Valentines date EVER

Want to meet a time traveler who wears leather and hangs out in front of elementary schools?
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/lgi/vol/133633715.html

I'll get around to it tomorrow...

If this guy gets even one response I'll be shocked.
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/vol/133651053.html

GO TEAM!

I so see a B movie being made out of this! Horny guy dresses in drag to lead teen cheerleaders to victory! Willing to half ass some cheerleading knowledge in exchange for sneaking a feel?
-http://newyork.craigslist.org/jsy/vol/133869712.html